Blowjob Etiquette
Posted 08/7/07 5:01 AM
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Comments(0) A Females Perspective
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* First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it so if you get one, be grateful
* I don’t care WHAT they did in the porno video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone’s face.
* I DON’T have to swallow.
* My ears are NOT handles.
* Also, do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
* I don’t care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
* Having my period does not mean that it’s “hummer week” – get it through your head – I’m bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don’t feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can’t have sex right now.
* “Blue Balls” might have worked on high school girls � but when I�m on my period if you’re that desperate for sex, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
* If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don’t tell me I’ve just “wrecked it” for you.
* Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
* If you like how we do it, it’s probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we’re good at it.
* No, it doesn’t particularly taste good. And I don’t care about the protein content.
* No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
* When you hear your friends complain about how they don’t get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
* Just because “it’s awake” when you get up does not mean I have to “kiss it good morning”.
